


Nothing Alike

by floofstrid



Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Apologizing to Lars Taylor, Being Mean to Lars Taylor, Chatlogs, Dirtbag JT, Gen, Hellmouth Sunbeams (Blaseball Team), I just love PDZ a lot I want her to be happy and I want to give her a damn hug, Kansas City Breath Mints (Blaseball Team), POV Second Person, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:35:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29555736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floofstrid/pseuds/floofstrid
Summary: You are PolkaDot Zavala.You are a credit to the team, whether you like it or not.But who the hell is this "Lars" guy, anyway?
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	Nothing Alike

**Author's Note:**

> sorry about the title i couldn't think of a good one. not sorry about jess though >:)

It's a pleasant day in the Hellmouth. It's Season 12, Day 73. Sunbeams vs. Breath Mints. Game 1 of the series. Until now, the two teams had never played against each other. Today, they're making history - however insignificant it may be.

It's the bottom of the eighth inning. The Sunbeams are slightly in the lead, 2 to 3. At bat, the team's trusty slugger, Nerd Pacheco. He shuffles awkwardly on the spot, waiting with anticipation. On second base, Igneus Delacruz - having just managed to eke out a double.

And finally, standing on the mound, a quiet, unassuming presence. There you are. Kansas City's finest, the lil' Z. Slight frame, curly hair trembling in the breeze, half your face nervously darting around the field, the other pared straight down to the skull? That's you, alright. Most of these people have never laid eyes upon you before. Now's your chance to make an impression. What's it gonna be?

You blink, and the game's over. You never had much of an attention span, especially not under pressure. You're back on the bus with the team. Jess hit the winning 3-run dinger in the ninth, because of course she did. Who else but star of the show, wielder of the Dial Tone, killer for the Pies, whatever the hell you want to call her. You had a decent game, too. Let a few runs in, walked some batters, threw the occasional ground out. There were a lot of close calls. Bases loaded with two outs on several occasions. That's just how you roll. Living on the edge.

Some pitchers throw strikeout after strikeout, barely ever letting anyone on base. One name in particular sticks above the rest. How could you forget? You were part of them, after all, back in the day. Most of the memories have faded over the years, but they still manifest from time to time. If you could leave it behind and move on, you would - you've sure been trying. The league never forgets, though. Every day you're reminded. But here and now? There's nothing but you. The young, scrawny kid in the green jersey, trying her best, even though it never seems to be enough.

You were sitting in the dugout between innings. Pitching for the Sunbeams was Lars Taylor, in all his single-starred glory. You don't know him, but you sure know of him. Hard not to. You watched him closely, just waiting for the look to appear. Normally, when someone lets through the game-ending home run and loses the match, there's a certain look on their face. A look of dread and failure, anticipating the disillusioned scowls in their immediate future. You let them down, it's only natural. Happens every time. There's always the look.

Today, that never happened. Maybe he's just better at hiding it, at keeping a straight face. You've been working on that, too. No one likes a slouch. But something about the way his teammates looked at him, the way his fans cheered with passion, the way they walked off that field in stride, something was off. It seemed sincere. You brush it off. Of course it's not sincere, it never is. Why would it be?

Sometimes you think about what could've been. About the alternate universe where it was you instead of them, all those years ago. You try not to think about it. Seasons ago it'd ruin your entire week, but now it just stings for a few minutes on a good day. Today's not a good day.

By the time you make it home, the thoughts have been circling in your mind for hours. You have a vague idea. Over break, some of the big league players got together for a few exhibition matches. A few from your team participated. You never got the invitation. He probably didn't either... but can't hurt to check. You pick up your phone. You look it up. You find your answer. It's her. Who would it be but her.

You really, really don't want to have to do this.
    
    
    <shadowz> hey.
    <official_jess> [booooooop.]
    <official_jess> [booooooop.]
    <official_jess> uh, hello??
    <shadowz> did you seriously just type that
    <official_jess> :))
    <shadowz> ugh ffs
    <shadowz> need to ask you something rq
    <official_jess> bit busy rn
    <official_jess> go bother someone else?
    <shadowz> no, it's
    <shadowz> fucking hell
    <shadowz> just need a minute and i'll piss off
    <official_jess> fine. what u need?
    <shadowz> remember the coffee cup?
    <official_jess> mach city baybeeeeee
    <shadowz> that lars guy we played today
    <shadowz> beams pitcher
    <shadowz> he was on your team back then, right?
    <official_jess> yeah? what's it to u
    <shadowz> uhh
    <shadowz> fuck
    <shadowz> do you still have his info or anything
    <shadowz> i just
    <official_jess> hah, i see what's going on
    <official_jess> suuuuuuure
    <official_jess> good luck with that kid
    <shadowz> just, please
    <official_jess> alright lmao this'll be fun
    <official_jess> i'll get it for ya, on one condition
    <shadowz> ??
    <official_jess> hit us the scoop
    <shadowz> uuuuughdsfldj
    <shadowz> fine, deal.
    <official_jess> sure thiing
    <official_jess> i'll send you the deets one sec
    <shadowz> k
    <shadowz> i owe you one for this don't i
    <official_jess> yuuuuup. several.
    <shadowz> whatever champ
    <shadowz> peace
    
    

What a giant, steaming piece of shit. You know the screenshots are making the rounds already. The group chats aren't buzzing yet, but it's only a matter of time. Might as well get it over with.

You're not sure what you're actually looking for, anyway. Maybe you'll find out. This is a terrible idea.
    
    
    <shadowz> uhhhhh
    <shadowz> hey?
    <lonestar> Sorry, who is this?
    <shadowz> hh nvm
    <lonestar> Dropped my phone last week and lost my contacts, I'll fill you in?
    <shadowz> it's
    <shadowz> sorry
    <shadowz> you probably wouldn't know
    <lonestar> Try me. I do know a lot of folks :)
    <shadowz> i'm polkadot. not that one.
    <shadowz> pitched against you today?
    <lonestar> oh! Zavala, right?
    <shadowz> uh.
    <shadowz> yeah. that's me
    <lonestar> Hey!!
    <lonestar> Was cool to finally get to play you. Sup?
    <shadowz> iunno. just wanted to say hi, i guess
    <lonestar> Well, that's no fun, is it?
    <shadowz> probably not.
    <shadowz> sorry. i'll leave you be.
    
    

You see him typing. You don't bother waiting for him to finish. What'd you even expect, anyway? You're not friends, you're not anyone important, of course he's not gonna bother entertaining your presence. If this was in public he'd smile and wave, but there are no appearances to keep up here. Might as well cut your losses before you dig yourself too deep. You throw yourself at your bed, just to see how far you can sink.
    
    
    <lonestar> Wait, hang on a minute.
    <lonestar> We've never formally met before, have we.
    <lonestar> Why not get a proper talk? You seem nice.
    <shadowz> ...what've you heard, exactly?
    <lonestar> Well, Iggy and Miguel blaze it with Leach sometimes
    <lonestar> and she seems to have a lot of stories about you
    <lonestar> Saw Gomi paying you a few glances as well
    <lonestar> I can never tell what those eyes see, but there's always something
    <lonestar> So, word gets around, I suppose.
    <lonestar> Enough to know there's more to you than you'd think.
    <shadowz> is that a bad thing?
    <lonestar> Not at all! You've got a lot of good going on.
    <lonestar> Well, Jess had some choice words about you back when we talked
    <lonestar> but other than that,
    <shadowz> uh, jess had whatnow??
    
    

Right. Of course she would.
    
    
    <lonestar> ...
    <lonestar> well, she's Jess. She's a great player, sometimes even a great friend.
    <lonestar> but she's not like us. Try not to mind her much.
    <shadowz> how can i not "mind her"?
    <shadowz> ten years of constantly getting compared to someone else
    <shadowz> scrutinized to hell and back by pricks blaming me for being a literal fucking shadow of what they want from me
    <shadowz> over time it stopped hurting as much, turns out therapy's great huh
    <shadowz> then jessica who-else-but telephone swoops in out of nowhere
    <shadowz> just another perfect symbol of everything i should've been but never could.
    <shadowz> and it allllll comes crashing down again
    <shadowz> i dunno if you know my deal. what i am, what i was, what i'm not.
    <shadowz> maybe you don't. not your problem either way
    <lonestar> Your "deal"?
    <shadowz> like, the whole uh
    <shadowz> fuck it, nevermind
    <lonestar> I... think i get you. we can't all be superstars. I'm sure not, either.
    <lonestar> I just do my best, and sometimes that's good enough. Been there.
    
    

Should've figured. Fuck it, nothing to lose, let's go.
    
    
    <shadowz> hah, that's cute.
    <shadowz> you're "no stars lars" taylor, league-famous overperformer, credit to the team
    <shadowz> i'm polkadot "no-not-the-good-one-the-other-one" zavala, runt of kansas city
    <shadowz> when i fuck up our playoffs, the journos don't even spell my name right
    <shadowz> i go home every night wondering if i'm ever more than barely tolerated here
    <shadowz> you don't "get" shit, my dude.
    <shadowz> quit the cookie-cutter pity party.
    <shadowz> get plenty of that without your help already
    <lonestar> ...
    
    

You didn't notice how much that hurt to write.
    
    
    <lonestar> come on, girl.
    <shadowz> fuck.
    <shadowz> i'm sorry.
    <lonestar> it's okay.
    <shadowz> ...it's not, is it?
    <lonestar> I don't know.
    <lonestar> You made me think of something, though.
    <lonestar> Every time I'm in the dugout, I try to pay attention to the others.
    <lonestar> Just a thing I do. Helps me know who I'm up against.
    <lonestar> I noticed something.
    <shadowz> what, other than the real-life equivalent of the pensive emoji?
    <lonestar> Every strikeout, every ground out, hell, even when Dud hit that dinger
    <lonestar> they looked to you.
    <lonestar> Not with pity, not with disillusion, but with pure, unfiltered beaming pride
    <lonestar> And if there's one look i'd recognize anywhere, it's that.
    <lonestar> I know I have something special with my folks. You just saw it today.
    <lonestar> But, so do you, I can tell. If you paid attention, you'd see.
    <shadowz> ...
    <shadowz> lars?
    <lonestar> what?
    <shadowz> before i delete your number and forget this conversation ever happened
    <shadowz> i wanna ask you something
    <lonestar> Shoot.
    <shadowz> who'd you think i was? what's my "deal", to you?
    <lonestar> What do you mean?
    <lonestar> I thought you were you. Who else would you be?
    <shadowz> you know. them. patterson, whatever.
    <lonestar> hm? You two are nothing alike.
    <lonestar> If anything, your deal's the same as mine.
    <lonestar> Not flashy, but we pack a punch.
    <shadowz> ...
    <shadowz> oh.
    <shadowz> thanks for clarifying
    <shadowz> good talk.
    <lonestar> hey Z?
    <shadowz> yea?
    <lonestar> keep being you.
    <lonestar> you're pretty good at it.
    <shadowz> i,
    <shadowz> thanks.
    <lonestar> See you tomorrow? Game two's at your place.
    <shadowz> yeah.
    <shadowz> we'll work something out.
    <shadowz> see ya round, dude.
    
    

You put down your phone and bury your face in your pillow. It's been a while since you've felt like this. Your body feels like it's tearing itself apart at its seams. You'd always resist it.

Tonight, you let yourself break.

**Author's Note:**

> Written before Season 12 - at this point Mints/Sunbeams are one of the few matchups that haven't happened yet. If it actually does happens on Day 73 someone owes me a pizza.


End file.
